Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
