I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
