using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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