just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
