So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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