At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
