Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
