I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
