She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
