So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Blood and glitter go together right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
