i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
