talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
