dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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