Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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