You made me cry and you don't even care
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
