I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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