i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
