U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
