so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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