Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
