My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
