R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
splinters make it hard to masturbate
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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