You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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