So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
