wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
