bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
