Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
