he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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