Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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