brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
