he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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