I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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