Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
