in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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