atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
