So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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