forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
