a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
