i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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