you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
