don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
