She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
