Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
