Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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