Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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