ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
