apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
