There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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