guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
