My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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