dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
